The power of human Feelings

Date: 5 February 2021 | Author: Edina de Jong – Hodžić

Human beings have an unexplored potential when it comes to making better decisions, living a life without fear and being in harmony with nature: our Feelings. For centuries humans have learned to disconnect from their own feelings and those of others. When we observe humanity today we can clearly see that there is a split between our minds and our hearts. This is observable in most of our societal systems, for example when you look at architectural design it is often practical though it also lacks a ‘heart’. We all have seen buildings in the city skyline and have referred to them as ‘ugly’ because they simply didn’t speak to our hearts. What if I told you that your feelings have a very important function, to serve as an inner compass and to inform you about what is going on within yourselves and within your environment?

I have noticed that we have created a world where most of us distrust our feelings and this often reflects in distrust of others. Our minds have filled up with numerous beliefs about everything disconnecting us from the truth of our hearts. Even when our hearts speak to us, the mind chatter makes sure that we disregard our feelings and those of others. Why do we disregard such a beautiful tool of Mother Nature?

We disregard our feelings because we have been taught to rely on the feelings and advise from our parents, teachers, politicians and other external ‘authorities’. For example, when it comes to our health we rely on the advise and recommendation from doctors before we have explored what our own body is trying to communicate to us. There is nothing wrong with gaining ‘expert’ advise from doctors or any other expert as long as it doesn’t diminish your own self responsibility. Where in your life have you outsourced your responsibility to someone else and you rely on them for guidance?

Growing up in a society where our feelings have simply been disregarded by our caretakers and society in general kept us from realising that our feelings hold great wisdom and guidance. Our feelings have not only been disregarded, we have also been taught to be afraid and distrust our feelings from very early childhood because our caretakers didn’t believe that children have access to the infinite intelligence from the universe. The human collective believes that human intelligence is a product of education and knowledge. Though, this is only partially true. When children are born they have access to an infinite universal intelligence and they keep this access if their environment is nourishing this. If not, children will learn to turn to others for guidance. When we look at ancient wisdom traditions, they all guide us to access and re-connect again to the world of infinite intelligence that we once knew when we were small children.
I remember when my son was little he would mirror to me when I was not acting in alignment with my truth. I learned so much about myself through him. Our children are a great source of wisdom for us and we should learn to trust them and their guidance more than we do today.

When our feelings don’t get validated by our environment we start to doubt and distrust them. In this process our powerful feelings turn into unhealthy emotional expressions like anger, fear and control aimed at taking power from others (because of our own deep feeling of disempowerment). When we haven’t learned to express our emotions in a healthy way or we have been judged by others while expressing our emotions we tend to suppress and hide them from others. In psychology this is referred to as ‘shadow’. The Swiss psychologist Carl Jung has done much research on this topics. When we are not aware of our shadows they will lead a life on their own and control us. You can clearly observe those shadows in our politicians through their often unconscious expressions of power abuse.

Let us look at most common ‘unconscious’ beliefs that we hold around our feelings:
– Feelings are a sign of weakness.
– Expressing my feelings will get me in trouble.
– Those that express their feelings are overreacting.
– Intelligent people don’t express their feelings.
While reading this it can be interesting to explore your own belief systems around feelings. Is there someone in your environment who expresses their feelings, how do you feel about this person? Which beliefs do you hold when it comes to feelings? Are those beliefs yours? Are they true? Is this belief making you feel empowered?

Now that we understand why we disconnected from our inner compass and our feelings the question is how to connect with it again in order to reconnect to our inner power and truth. It all starts by becoming aware of our feelings and emotions. This is not an easy task because most of us have unlearned this and we are literally afraid to explore our feelings because we know that there is unresolved pain hidden in the depth of our feelings. When someone triggers an emotional reaction in us, it’s wise to explore what feeling is underlying that reaction. The Feelings Wheel (picture below) can help with identifying the feeling. Our feelings have to be consciously identified and accepted before they can be expressed.
Another way of becoming more aware of our feelings is when we listen to ‘external’ information, how does it make us feel? By making this a daily practice, we will start to feel what is authentic to us and what is not. And this wisdom will help us in making authentic decisions in life.

‘We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation doesn’t liberate, it oppresses.’

Carl Jung, Psychologist

When we don’t express our feelings in a healthy way we risk becoming a victim of our own shadows. Another term for this is ‘projection’, this is a defense mechanism in which the (ego)mind defends itself against unconscious feelings by denying their existence in themselves by attributing them to others. For example, a bully may project their own feelings of vulnerability onto the target, or a person who is confused will project their own feelings of confusion and inadequacy unto other people. This shadow of projection is widely spread in our societies including business environments and it is causing damage to many people. Each one of us needs to take responsibility for the way we feel and not project it unto others.

When you observe our society today, and especially the professional work environment, feelings are not treated as an important tool for intuition and self growth. I have observed a limiting belief in most professional work environments that dictates that feelings should not be expressed at work. This belief further feeds the unhealthy mind/heart split that is so deeply embedded in our cultures.
Expressing your feelings in a healthy way at work will allow for your authenticity to naturally emerge and this will grow more authentic leaders that our society will need in the future. Therefore, my recommendation for Leadership teams is to be trained well on this subject, not only to learn to identify feelings and healthy ways of expressing them but also to guide their teams in doing that. It will not only help Leaders to become more effective and authentic in their work, it will also allow for a more authentic connection with their peers and team members.

Bringing our awareness to how we feel and our emotional reactions is key to developing emotional intelligence. By acknowledging, accepting and expressing your feelings in a healthy way you are contributing to a healthier world of tomorrow. Trust your feelings, they will guide you.