How I redefined ‘success’

Date: 11 September 2020 | Author: Edina de Jong – Hodžić

Rarely do we ask ourselves what it means to be successful? Most of us have adopted a definition of success that our parents, teachers and society has dictated without questioning it. In the Western society and probably in majority of today’s world cultures success is being defined as a set of elements that consists of having a school diploma, a job, status, money, material possessions, family, friends etc.

I do observe that there is a slow shift taking place, especially in the last decade where more and more young people are starting to challenge what they define as ‘success’.

In my own environment I have observed many friends staying in jobs that they don’t like and that don’t fulfil them. And the main arguments that they share with me is the need for money to pay the bills and getting used to a certain lifestyle that they want to keep.
Some people do get pass that threshold of asking themselves questions and reflecting on what they truly want. Though as we’re used to get instant answers and this process requires some patience, we get discouraged and return to our ‘old’ habits and ways of doing. We seem to have forgotten the art of questioning, creative imagination and daydreaming.

My own story of following the definition of ‘success’ that others have defined started in my early teens when my family flew the war in Bosnia & Hercegovina and relocated to The Netherlands. It was during this difficult period of building a new life in a new country and witnessing the ‘silent suffering’ that my parents experienced that I unconsciously decided that I wanted to become successful because that would guarantee safety and security that I was deeply longing for. After finishing my University degree, I followed a career in the Consulting industry and moved to a Global Food Company where I was focused on my career. It wasn’t until I gave birth to my son in 2016 that I got a reality check and started asking myself questions about myself, my purpose and the impact I was making. It is now three years ago that I left my well paid corporate job and retreated on a holistic journey of self-exploration and self-realization.

This journey has showed me an important part of my nature that most of us have hidden and disowned because it wasn’t safe to show it and that is the Feminine expression. The definition of success that the society still holds as the norm is a masculine expression where direction, focus, actions, results and discipline are valued and feminine traits like compassion, care, intuition, wisdom, creativity, flow and nature are undervalued. As girls and young women we learn to play small on our feminine power and as we grow and we get motivated by ‘external’ success we automatically adopt the masculine expression without questioning it. Both men and women can express both feminine and masculine traits, the secret is to balance both in a way that honours your unique purpose and potential. Expressing yourself through either masculine or feminine is like flying with one wing. We need both expressions to feel fulfilled.

Today I define success as Being rather than Doing. I call this process moving from a state-of-mind to a state-of heart. It’s all about being and expressing my unique essence and living my life from a place of love, truth, creativity and joy is what I define as success. One day this translates into spending few hours on reading and studying a topic of interest, co-creating a workshop with my client, enjoying the stillness around me and on other days this translates into walking in nature, designing a training, taking my son out of school early to eat an ice cream, writing poetry etc. 

I used to believe that there was this one version of success that I had to follow and that deviating from it would be disastrous in terms of financial security. I also had fears about being abandoned by my ‘tribe’ because they wouldn’t understand or accept my choices. Those worries are valid and true to some extend though how much of it is only a story that we have fabricated in our mind? And would you allow those worries to get in the way of not listening to your own inner guidance, power and purpose? It is these very things that challenge us to look very deeply within and ask ourselves if we rather live a life that others want for us or we want to live a life that fulfils us in every fibre of our being. 

Expansion and growth is never easy, it challenges us to see the patterns and belief systems that don’t serve us and be courageous enough to break out of them accepting that people that are in your life today might not be there tomorrow. Though, new people will appear in your life pulsating at your vibration and embracing your new rhythm of life.

When we make conscious choice to follow our unique path and embrace the unknown we start experiencing true fulfilment, happiness, joy and freedom. And then comes the realization that this is what LIFE is truly about.

How do you define success?